


they'll find us side by side

by supernaturalsun



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Angst, M/M, but they learn how to discuss them it's beautiful, lots of feelings, mentions of past characters deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalsun/pseuds/supernaturalsun
Summary: According to Bettman, Matthew and Leon are two people who barely know each other right now but they will somehow manage to save the world at some point. Or that was more or less what crossed his mind when he decided to put Leon back on a jaeger.
Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk
Comments: 13
Kudos: 49





	they'll find us side by side

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Dark Doo Woop" by MS MR.
> 
> I've always wanted to write a good Pacific Rim AU and I had an outline from six years ago that I was finally able to used with these two.
> 
> The story takes place in 2020. Kaijus started appearing in 2008.
> 
> This is the longest thing I've ever written and I think I'm really proud of some parts, I hope y'all will like it.
> 
> I made an aesthetic which you can find [here](https://legendsnart.tumblr.com/post/621382936732860416/aesthetics-for-my-fics-theyll-find-us-side-by).

Matthew is in the middle of a fight the first time Leon sees him. The combat training room hadn’t been the first thing Leon had expected to see on the base but it was were Bettman had taken him straight after recuperating him from the airport.

Leon isn’t mesmerized (because he has better focus and awareness of his environnement than that, thank you very much) by the kid trading blows with a bigger guy who has a good head on him. He will just admit that as oddly as it may sound, it’s a soothing and captivating sight after the hours he spent cramped in a tiny uncomfortable plane, nerves too high to really be useful.

There’s a smirk on Matthew’s features that Leon wants to roll his eyes at even though it feels more like an _I’m enjoying myself_ than an _I’m better than you_ expression. He would probably deserve the first one given how he’s dominating the fight but Leon also knows he would take a lot of pleasure in wiping it off his face. They’re training for war, it’s not the place to be a brat.

Leon always used to brush his father off when he would repeat that you could learn a lot about someone by studying the way they fought. Like, he got it, he didn’t have to be reminded of the fact that much. 

“Tkachuk,” Bettman calls, his voice calm and severe.

Leon can’t help the beginning of his frown when he sees the kid joining them. He’s quick to school over his features. Unlike some people, he does know how to be a professional.

  
  
  
  
  


_Matthew is right handed with a strong left foot, good right hook, speed could be improved._

_He’s also clearly not lacking in the pectorals and abdominals departments, his curls are doing it for Leon, the attitude is less his thing. Anyway, not the point._

  
  
  
  
  


Bettman asks -orders with a smile- Matthew to give him a tour of the base and after the trip he had, Leon would give everything against a bed and five minutes of tranquility but he follows Matthew nonetheless.

Leon is not shy (he might be according to some standards that he disagrees with, he’s _quiet_ , that he’ll accept to go with) and he’s clearly not impressed by the kid but he doesn’t say much as they make their way through the buildings. He throws around some comments (mostly technicals) in answer to Matthew’s explanations but they both lose their voice when they get in front of what’s supposed to be their future jaeger.

It’s the one Matthew used to ride before (Leon read about it on the files Bettman had forwarded to him before his arrival) and there’s something in the kid’s voice that makes Leon’s stomach twist.

(If he’s honest with himself, he perfectly knows the nature of the feeling, he’s just better not acknowledging it).

  
  
  
  
  


“I don’t know about your previous experiences but we’ll be rooming together,” Matthew announces when they’ve made their way to a room, a pale red number _1929_ painted on the door.

“Yeah, Bettman told me. We’ll be okay as long as you don’t bring any girls in here,” Leon answers as he walks to the free bed to put his bag on it. As long as he can enjoy his room whenever he wants and not be sexiled from it or anything, they should manage.

“Right, if boys are okay then I’ll guess I’ll be able to survive,” Matthew chuckles from his post at the door and Leon is so very glad he has his back turned to him.

Leon eventually turns around and he’s met with the biggest smile possible on Matthew’s face. The little shit winks and is very quick to leave the room after that.

Alright. Breathe in, breathe out. Fucking sleep. Leon will be fine. They’ll be fine.

  
  
  
  
  


_Matthew has a good knowledge on jaegers, he owns a pretty smile and he’s probably too huge of a flirt to even be a functional human being._

_He also sleeps with fucking ridiculous pajama pants that Leon will probably make nightmares about one day, what the actual fuck Tkachuk._

  
  
  
  
  


They don’t wait too long before putting them together on a jaeger. They’re about to connect when Mathew asks the question he probably had in mind for a few days.

“Did you ever...” He lets his words hang.

Matthew seems so fearless all the time, Leon is surprised he doesn’t finish his question. He doesn’t need him to, though.

“No,” he answers. He’s aiming for calm and collected but it might sounds better in his head than in reality.

No he never piloted another jaeger after his father’s death. No he never went to the drift with anyone else.

“Pilots, ready to connect.”

The voice surprises Leon and he feels a tinge of disappointment at his own mistake. He doesn’t look at Matthew, preferring to close his eyes in order to focus on his fastening heartbeat.

It’s been a few years since the accident and it’s no longer his father standing by his side but it’s a fucking first training. He can make it.

_Come on, it doesn’t matter who you’re fighting with as long as you know why you’re doing it._

“Me neither,” Matthew says, so soft Leon has a hard time associating his voice to him.

Leon lets out a long exhale and finally meets the eyes of the other man, a few seconds before the countdown starts echoing on the cockpit and they get on the drift.

The moment that they start moving together, Leon knows that yeah, that’s it, he’s back in.

  
  
  
  
  


_Drifting with someone he’d spend his whole life along with had always been the easiest experience. The memories in the drift coursing throw Leon’s head like a reassuring warm blanket._

_Drifting with a stranger he met barely two weeks prior, is a whole other deal. They haven’t even spent that much time together since Leon has gotten here. Leon has seen the numbers in the file Bettman has forwarded him and the seance they just had serves to prove how compatible they are. The thing is, out of a jaeger, he still has trouble understanding how they’re supposed to click together so much._

  
  
  
  
  


“You two showed really good things, quite stunning for a first time actually,” Bettman informs them afterwards. “But don’t forget that the deeper the bond, the better you fight. You’ll improve with time.”

Leon represses a laugh, his serious game face staying on.

According to Bettman, Matthew and him are two people who barely know each other right now but they will somehow manage to save the world at some point. Or that was more or less what crossed his mind when he decided to put Leon back on a jaeger.

“Don’t worry baby, we’re gonna bond so hard we’ll be stronger than any kaiju this planet has ever seen,” Matthew announces when Bettman is gone.

This time, Leon doesn’t answer but he allows the corner of his mouth to curl up for a small smile as Matthew heads for the showers, his signature smirk on his face. 

  
  
  
  
  


_The truth is, Leon isn’t sure how he feels about Matthew. His first impression was not the best and it felt easy to just pretend the kid was this small adventurous brat who had too much bravado for his own good even if he really knew how to pilot a jaeger._

_Matthew runs his mouth too much. Matthew stays up too late (Leon will give him credit for how discreet he is when he comes back in the middle of the night, he probably wouldn’t hear him if he was able to sleep in the first place). Matthew exudes a confidence too bright, almost blinding._

_It’s easy. To be annoyed and to not make friends and to not feel concerned about somebody new. Leon wants that. He does that._

_Leon came here because he didn’t have a choice but he’s going to do his job anyway. He can’t lose a partner again. He refuses to go through the pain once more._

  
  
  
  
  


“You don’t want to talk about the drift,” Matthew pipes up from where he’s lying on his bed.

Leon’s not sure if Matthew says this as a statement or some kind of disguised demand but when Leon turns his head to look at him, his face gives him no clue at all.

“Do you ?” Matthew continues.

“No,” Leon immediately answers, almost surprised by his own speed.

People say that when you drift with someone, you feel like there’s nothing to talk about. And like, okay, Leon mostly agrees with that. But the thing is, they didn’t know each other ten days ago so they should talk about what it was like when they shared one mine. Bettman wants them too and that’s the logical thing to do if they’re going to pilot a jaeger together. 

That’s also what they’re taught during their formation, Leon’s brain kindly supplies, ever the traitor. Does he need to, though ? He hopes not because he sure as hell isn’t ready.

“Right, then we’re not staying here,” Matthew states as Leon watches him hop off his bed.

He doesn’t understand at first but he lets Matthew grab his wrist to lead them through the base. He lets him go when they’re in some small corner of a place, overlooking the big hangar where the mechanics are working on jaegers.

Given the path they had to take and the overall look of their surroundings, Leon wants to assume they’re somewhere no one really knows about.

“You forgot to put that on your list when you gave me a tour on my first day,” he manages to lightly joke, his breath and attention a little taken away by the view in front of them. He does get a small laugh in return.

“It’s not the quietest place you could dream of but uh, I used to spend some quality time in here,” Matthew comments.

Then, he sits on the floor, back against the wall. Leon doesn’t have to be asked to join him, his eyes leaving the machines to focus on Matthew.

“And how did you discover it ? Playing hide and seek or getting lost ?”

“Ah, that’s the great question.”

“Oh come on Tkachuk, don’t make me look in your memory once we’ll be on the drift.”

  
  
  
  


_Matthew’s father has been an highly ranked officer in this base since even before the beginning of the war, the base serving for other military purposes. Matthew basically spent his whole childhood in here with his brother. That’s how he discovered the spot. He argues it wasn’t while playing hide and seek but Leon still brags about how right he managed to be._

_Matthew doesn’t like to get called by his first name because it makes him think about his father and it’s weird. He has a laugh that fill the air with something Leon can’t quite define. In a life without kaijus, he would have loved to be a hockey player._

You can’t threaten me with the drift every time you want to find out something about me, find a non-scientific way to reach your goal, _Matthew says after they’ve been discussing for a while. Leon accepts the challenge._

  
  
  
  
  


This place becomes their HQ and to say that they spend most of their free time here wouldn’t exactly be the bigger lie Leon ever told. They share their experience at the academy. Leon talks about his life in Germany to Matthew, try to teach him a few words in german. They argue about hockey (or what it was when it was still in place all around the world) and Matthew falls asleep on Leon’s shoulder when Leon tries to teach him the rules of football.

  
  
  
  
  


_Leon didn’t mean to get to know Matthew the way he learns to. It happens because it will be for the best when they have to coordinate to pilot a jaeger together. It happens because strangely enough, Matthew can be a very calm human being with some interests he shares with Leon. It happens because it manages to make every bad, evil, dark thought escape Leon’s mind for once, and it feels so good Leon doesn’t want to stop._ It happens.

  
  
  
  
  


Leon is here the first time Matthew wakes up because of a nightmare in the middle of the night for the first time since they started sharing a room. When he recognize the agitation for what it is, Leon lights up his bedside lamp and quietly makes his way to Matthew’s bed. 

He gently places his hands on Matthew’s shoulders and finally hugs him when Matthew doesn’t push him away.

“Hey, I’m here, it’s over. Everything’s okay, I swear.”

He tries to sound as reassuring as he possibly can, drawing circles in Matthew’s back with his right hand. He can feel Matthew’s heart slowly going back to a normal rhythm and shaky breath eventually gets better.

“Do you want to talk about it ?”

 _It helps sometimes,_ he holds behind his lips. It doesn’t feel like the right moment to talk about his experience. Not that he used to have someone to share his nightmares with (it’s already a whole miracle he hasn’t had any really bad one since he got here) but writing them down used to work for him.

Matthew doesn’t answer but he breaks contact with Leon’s body and moves on his bed so the two of them can sit side by side.

His voice almost cracks on the first words but it gets better as he progresses.

Matthew talks about his accident, tells how he lost his little brother the year prior. He explains that sometimes he dreams about it, says he wishes he could erase away some things from his memory.

And Leon listen, right shoulder pressed against Matthew’s left one.

He doesn’t realize until he has to let go to go back to his bed that he’d been holding Matthew’s hand, thumb rubbing against the pale skin.

  
  
  
  
  


Their first mission is a success and they celebrate it together, eventually ending drunk in their HQ.

The last time Leon had more than a beer was two months ago, the night before he had to take to get on a jet to Hong Kong. His fuzzy head almost feels foreign, something he can no longer treat himself to because of the situation and the description of his job.

Fortunately, the frequency of the attacks is large enough for him to let go of his guilt for one night. Matthew is here, it’s easy to reach for the bottle of tequila once more time.

Leon tells Matthew the story of his own accident ( _we’re equals now,_ he adds, grimacing and excusing himself right after). He talks about his fiancé (and like, it’s not like Leon is coming out, Matthew’s been on his mind, but he still flushes when the words go past his lips) and their life in Seattle. He probably says some words about the plans they had, the adoption papers they had started looking into. 

“I’m sorry,” Matthew says, his voice so soft it reminds Leon of that first time they were put on a jaeger together.

Leon thinks about his father who wasn’t sure he wanted to be a pilot in the first place but accepted because he had an amazing compatibility with Leon and Leon wanted to save the world. He thinks about his fiancé that he lost not to an attack but because things got really ugly when he came back after his accident and months of untreated PTSD had done severe damage. He thinks of Brady, the Tkachuk he never got to meet but who’s definitely always there, in some corner of his big brother’s head.

Everyone lost so much since the beginning of the war, it feels like the word _sorry_ lost its meaning a while ago. 

“Yeah, I know,” Leon still answers, a tidy bit of sadness slipping in his smile as he raises his arm to put it around Matthew’s shoulders and pull him closer.

Losing so much already doesn’t mean they have to keep losing everything forever. They showed they could win. They’re a good team. Leon wouldn’t have thought so in the beginning but now, he doesn’t have any lingering doubt.

  
  
  
  
  


After that, it gets easy. It gets easy to put his hands on Matthew’s shoulders when he’s sitting and Leon comes behind him to check on what he’s doing or casually talk. It gets easy to whisper things in Matthew’s ears when they’re eating in the dining hall.

Leon’s never hesitant when he feels the need to yell at Matthew.

He doesn’t want to say it barely happens because, hello, they’re still them, but he wants to believe they’ve gotten better at communicating.

(Not that it would have been hard to get worse than in the beginning but, whatever).

  
  
  
  
  


_They both learn how to arrange their bodies so they can have restful nights free of any nightmare or panic attack._

  
  
  
  
  


“You know, I’m kinda getting used to this life and getting used to you and it’s so unfair because kaijus basically took my life away and now I’m almost enjoying being in a jaeger with you. And living with you, while we’re at it.”

It’s one of those nights. The ones they spend in their HQ after a victorious fight. They don’t make drinking after a mission an habit but tonight, they’re both at the good state of drunk. The one where their head will probably hate them in the morning but where it feels just good to sit on the floor, back against the wall, shoulders pressing together.

Leon might be running his mouth more than usual but it’s like a side effect of hanging out with Matthew so much. Not that the tequila was helping or anything.

“So damn you,” he continues. “Damn you and our stupid bond. You—” 

“Leon,” Matthew interrupts him, left hand going to Leon’s right knee. 

Leon turns his head to face Matthew and he finds him looking torn, his bottom lip caught between his lips. 

He doesn’t want the next moment to be a fucking cliché but I’d like to say he doesn’t have to be on the drift to _know_ that they’re both thinking about the same thing.

His hand finds Matthew’s cheek and the next second, their mouth collide.

He’s not as desperate as he might look, Leon swears. It just feels so good and so right that he has no choice, he lets himself smile against Matthew’s lips and kisses him again the moment they eventually pause to breath.

  
  
  
  
  


_Matthew is passionate about everything he does and that includes kissing._

  
  
  
  
  


It’s kind of beautiful, how things don’t change that much afterwards. Sure, they spend more time in their room but their HQ is not abandoned and they’re still rocking it inside of their jaeger. 

For the first time in a long time, Leon almost has an optimistic view on thing. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Did you know that out of all the co-pilots in a romantic relationship, 37% of people got together _after_ they started piloting together ? That’s how amazing the drift is. Or like, the chemicals released when you go out to almost die together in the ocean, I’m not sure how the body function.”

Leon doesn’t have to raise his head from his book to know how Matthew, sitting in front of him in the dining hall with his right foot hooked around Leon’s ankle because apparently he’s still a fucking teenager, will react.

“Yeah, and how did that work out for you exactly, Marns ?” Matthew indeed answers.

Sitting next to Mitch, Leon very much feels the foot he tries to send in Matthew’s direction. 

“We decided that it wasn’t our thing. And now Dylan is madly in love with Alex. Davo… Well, he only cares about the ladies but I know he just doesn’t have time for a relationship and he would totally be gay for me. That’s facts.”

Leon catches Dylan’s smile behind his water bottle and there’s not much he wouldn’t give to have Connor present to have his reaction to what just got out of Mitch’s mouth.

“Don’t be dumb. The only person Davo would turn gay for is me and we all know it,” Dylan comments.

“You can’t ask Mitch to think smart. He taught Matthew all his tricks and look how he turned out,” Leon chirps and Mitch honest to god _blinks_ at him before punching his shoulder. 

“I preferred you when you were silent, that was way better,” he says faux hurt before snagging Dylan’s bottle from his hands.

Leon smiles, his attention returning in front of him.

“I’m offended,” Matthew states.

“Please be,” Leon answers before resuming the reading of his book. 

Matthew’s feet doesn’t leave his ankle for the rest of the afternoon.

  
  
  
  
  


“You do know that all my friends call me Matty or Matt or even Chucky and since my father calls me _Officer Tkachuk_ , there’s literally no one in this world using my full name,” Matthew informs him when they’re lying into bed that night.

“Yeah I know,” Leon answers, kissing his chest, letting his words rumble against his lover’s skin. “ _Matthew.”_

He adds another kiss, for good measure.

Matthew groans.

They really go to sleep a good half hour later.

  
  
  
  
  


Auston and Freddie almost gets killed during their mission with Leon and Matthew against two class three kaijus. Toews and Kane had to join in to help and in the end they managed to defeat both the beast. Now, Freddie was in a coma and Auston would probably never be able to pilot a jaeger again.

“The doctors said that they’re out of danger now. They will survive,” Matthew announces from his way back from the hospital section, the cut on his forehead patched.

“Right,” Leon bites.

“Oh don’t be like that, I’m not in the mood for your grumpy face and your general pessimistic attitude. I don’t need that right now.”

He takes a seat on his bed, elbows on his knees, eyes on Leon.

“Then don’t you dare act like nothing happened when we were out there,” Leon answers, his anger seeping through his voice. 

It’s been a while since he last heard himself sounding so cold. But Leon is pissed and if Matthew has to deal with his death stare and his thundering voice, he will because Leon has all the rights to be mad.

The two of them ended the mission without any major injury but they had some serious arguments in there, having serious issues to agree on the way the wanted to handle the situation.

“You could have gotten us both killed. You can’t be that irresponsible and suicidal when we’re out there. Maybe your brother was okay with it but it certainly won’t work with me.”

Matthew’s jaw visibly tenses and Leon can see him getting worked over. Well, so be it. Maybe he could understand the seriousness of the situation so they could for once have a discussion of grown-ups.

“Wait, I’m irresponsible and suicidal now ? Best fucking joke. Excuse me if I know why I’m getting on a jaeger and am willing to do anything to destroy kaijus,” Matthew’s voice rises as he gets up from his bed and Leon is in front of him in the following second. “You’re a fucking joke, Leon. You came here like a lapdog obeying his master when Bettman summoned you and you always pretended that you wanted this to end and were willing to give your everything to the fight but you’re just a coward who desperately needs validation and couldn’t say no to someone resembling a father figure.”

Leon feels his fists clenching by his sides and he honest to god has no idea what prevents him from punching Matthew square in the jaw right here right now.

“Fuck you,” he hisses. “I’m the fucking joke ? I’m the one who couldn’t say no ? You enrolled because your father was an high-ranking officer and you didn’t have the nerves to say no to him.” Leon actually sees the flash of hurt cross Matthew’s face but he can’t stop, not now. “Why are you even here ? Is it a hero complex ? You’re doing it for the fame ? You’re just doing it because it allow you to keep hanging out with your buddies and occasionally play inside a giant robot ? This isn’t a fucking holiday camp, Matthew.”

Matthew takes a step back at that and he seems to munch on his thoughts a little before opening his mouth again, his voice much quieter than before.

“So it was all a fucking facade and I was just a convenient body here to make your nights better ? In the end, you still think I’m this little stupid brat whose only value is the fact that I’m one of the bests at driving a jaeger ? Right. Nice.”

Leon is hearing his own heartbeat in his ears and he wants to fucking scream.

“Yeah, and the fact that I care so little about you is the reason why I don’t fucking care if something happen to you out there and why I didn’t go nuts earlier when you showed so much will to die. Your reasoning is fucking brilliant.”

His accent is slipping through his words but Leon couldn’t care less. He’s more focused on the way Matthew seems taken aback, frozen in his spot.

“I— I can’t with you. You have no right to fucking say that like you’re the only one who lost someone on a jaeger. I did too. That’s the reason they put us together, remember ?” 

Matthew’s words feel like an ice bucket just dropped all over his body and he takes a step back, hitting the side of his bed. His right hand finds his jacket and Leon stops thinking, just grab the piece of clothing and make his way out of the room, not sparing a last glance to Matthew.

  
  
  
  
  


Matthew’s gone when Leon comes back. He learns through Connor that he’s sleeping in Freddie’s bed while he’s at the hospital. Leon has a panic attack the first night there, images of their mission replaying in his head. His chest tightens even more when he realizes there are no arms to hug him, no one to whisper calming things in his ears and caress his back while he falls back asleep.

The next days, he gives his best laser eyes to everyone who dares make a comment about the dark circles under his eyes.

  
  
  
  
  


“Mitch told me that Matt asked Bettman to pair him with any other pilot and Bettman answered that Matt wouldn’t be allowed in any jaeger until the two of you have sorted your shit out.”

Leon looks up at Connor, his lunch pretty much forgotten given his lack of appetite, and he can’t help a long sigh.

“Want to talk about it ? I’ve got a couple hours to spare in the gym if you’d rather fight it out,” Connor continues.

When he first arrived here, Leon couldn’t understand how someone like Connor McDavid was supposed to work with the two disasters that Mitch and Dylan appeared to be. Then he got to see them interact and inexplicably so, they just _made sense_. 

Leon had learned how Connor had lost his whole family to a kaiju attack when he was 14 and how Bettman took him in to make a genius pilot how of him. Connor was intense, dedicated to the mission. He had a calm that settled his partners while they knew what buttons to push to get Connor out of his shell. The guy had quite the sense of humor, if you could get lucky enough to witness it.

More often than not, Connor reminds Leon of himself, serious and always filled with an underlying anger that’s put to use in the job. It has taken some time but they grew a nice relationship based on trust and the promise to never hold on their thoughts. 

Leon isn’t sure he wants to hear Connor’s thought on his situation with Matthew because he doesn’t want to be told he’s in the wrong. Fighting an actual human and not the punching bag like he’d been doing for the last days ? That he could do. 

  
  
  
  
  


Leon feels stupid. He really does every time he thinks about their fights. He crosses Matthew’s eyes a few times during the days which follow. It never last more than a few seconds but Leon feels his stomach twist every single time.

He goes to their HQ anyway, it helps him think. Matthew’s words are stuck in his head, loud and hurtful. _A coward who desperately needs validation and couldn’t say no to someone resembling a father figure_. He doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that maybe Matthew’s right, even slightly so.

Not the coward part, his ego won’t let him agree with that. But the validation part, Leon can probably get behind that, if he’s really honest with himself. 

He has a desire to please combined with the martyr complex he probably developed after his dad died. Because his dad would have never enrolled if it wasn’t for Leon and there’s a guilt that has been living behind his ribs ever since the accident.

Leon wants the war to end. _Who doesn’t_. Leon wants the semblance of a normal life back. Leon doesn’t want his fiancé and his old job, that was ideals of another time. Leon just wants to stop fighting. Being scared all the time is fucking exhausting.

  
  
  
  
  


_Leon wants Matthew._

  
  
Leon doesn’t say a word when Matthew arrives and sit by his side, quiet for a few seconds before eventually breaking the silence between them.

“You were scared”, he starts.

Leon frowns, it wasn’t exactly what he had been expecting.

“Don’t tell me you came to see me for this. Not gonna lie, I was waiting for an excuse.”

Truth be told, he wasn’t sure which of them was supposed to apologize first because Leon kind of got to recognize that he was at fault too during his reflexive sessions, but his pride will not let him thanks Matthew for being the bigger person.

“I’m not going to apologize for something I did consciously and still don’t regret,” Matthew shrugs. “And don’t say that it surprises you, you know me better than that.”

“Oh, so we’re not in the middle of a trusting each other crisis then ? Great,” Leon answers, unable to keep all the bite out of his tone. He’s not mad, not really, he’s just not sure how to go around this.

“You’re the most headstrong person I’ve ever met, you know that ? Everyone say I’m a hot head you can’t have an argument with but they haven’t met you. The most patient person in the world would eventually bow to you, that’s how stubborn you are.”

There’s more energy on Matthew’s voice but Leon keeps his eyes on the hangar in front of him.

“I thought— I thought we had something. I thought we understood each other. But I had to stand up and watch you tell me everything I’ve always been afraid of. Everything I’ve always tried to tell myself I wasn’t because if I was… My life was pretty meaningless,” Matthew lets the words drag and takes a big breath before continuing. “I started by saying you were scared because I believe that was the case and I want to give you that excuse for the way you acted. That way I could still imagine you didn’t mean it. I probably wouldn’t have minded if you’d told me all that shit the first day we met but that was months ago. I trust you now, no matter how you may want to deny, and hearing that from you the other day ? It hurt a pretty fucking big deal.”

Leon turns his head towards Matthew and the pain on his face makes him want to reach out. Upon closer inspection, there are huge traces of fatigue on his partner’s face and Leon wouldn’t be surprised if he also had trouble sleeping when they were apart.

“It hurt because the words were coming from you and… I guess because some of them are right and being handled some ugly truths mostly fucking sucks,” he finishes.

Matthew’s quiet after that, his eyes on the ground while Leon keeps studying him. 

“I’m sorry,” he starts after a huge breath of his own. “I— I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it like that. And bringing up your brother was a dick move. I’m truly sorry Matthew.”

Leon can’t remember the last time he apologized like that to someone. He can’t remember the last time he met someone who deserved it either.

“Please look at me,” Leon _doesn’t_ plead.

Matthew listens and the hurt is so clear in his eyes, Leon wants to punch himself. He reminds himself of Matthew’s words, they’re not done yet.

“I was scared, that’s true. I—” Leon bites on his lower lip, trying to figure out where he should start. “You hit my buttons, because you’ve always been good at that, and that made me mean. And then you hit some ugly truths too, and that didn’t help,” he admits.

“Guess we’re both fucked up pilots with even more in common than we thought,” Matthew pipes up, one corner of his mouth kind of lifting up.

Leon allows himself to smile along.

“I think this is the most adult conversation I’ve ever had. Anything else we should discuss ?”

Leon takes a deep breath, fighting the _no_ threatening to pass his lips. He knows they haven’t been doing this for long but he feels tired nonetheless, the energy drained from his body. There’s still one thing he wants to tackle though.

“You said I was scared,” he finally answers. Matthew nods. “You didn’t mean only back in our room.”

Matthew’s playing with both of his thumbs, a nervous tick Leon knows too well, and he frowns at Leon’s words.

“Hm, yeah ? I mean, you know how the drift works. When we were fighting those kaijus, your fear, I was feeling it too.” 

“I know. I needed the confirmation because I don’t really understand why you kept taking your stupid heroic risks if you perfectly knew I wasn’t comfortable with them. That’s not… That’s not how we’re supposed to work,” Leon chooses to go with.

The truth is, Leon had also been kind of mad at Matthew choosing to ignore his bad feelings while he trusted him. It was sitting wrong with him.

Also, the jaeger system didn’t really appreciate that for once, the two pilots weren’t on the same page concerning the things they wanted to do. It sent a lot of mixed signals hard to interpret and the result had been an uncoordinated jaeger that had been more dangerous for its pilots than effective to fight kaijus.

Matthew looks guilty and Leon… It kind of makes him feel better, validating his feelings a little.

“I don’t know,” Matthew begins, his eyes finding Leon’s. “I— I think I thought that you could go with it ? You know, having me by your side helping and all.” 

_Pause._

“I guess I was wrong, obviously. I’m sorry.”

Matthew hangs his head between his knees and Leon lets his hit the wall behind him. He’s not sure how long they stay in that position, the muted sounds from the hangar providing the only noise in their space. He’s not sure who reach out first, maybe they just meet in the middle, but they start holding hands at some point.

“So I know I answered very rudely but you said you cared about me. Like a lot,” Matthew says after what could be five minutes or half an hour, his face turned in Leon’s direction.

“Yeah,” Leon confirms, his voice kind of wary. There’s a slight blush on his face that he would very much like to get rid of.

“Cool. Me too.”

Leon’s first reaction is for his brain to full on stop working but then when Matthew squeezes his hand, he squeezes back before leaning his cheek against Matthew’s shoulder. 

There still are a lot of discussions they need to have and they will go through them, Leon promises them. For now, he will take the piece and quiet.

  
  
  
  
  


_“I didn’t really know what I was doing when I joined the Academy. My father was managing the program and I knew all the instructors because we’d always had them over for dinner since I was little and… I just couldn’t say no. I couldn’t disappoint my dad. And I’m not going to say that the fighting beasts while being on a giant robot thing wasn’t appealing, I’m not a liar. I still enjoy it, as you might have noticed. The thing is, I also figured out that I was part of something bigger. Then Brady died and I got mad. First I was mad at the kaiju bastard that got him. Then I got mad at my dad, for putting Brady on a jaeger. Then I got mad at myself for failing Brady and for allowing him to enroll in the program in the first place, following his big brother. I was in a really bad place back then, you could ask Mitch, he was there to suffer through my angry fits and he helped me a lot to get my bearings back. I’m way better now but I guess I still have that avenging need in my heart that will sometimes makes me do reckless things. I know that now I should trust you to reign me back in when that happens.”_

_The words are whispered in bed when all the lights are out, the space between their bodies inexistant._

_Leon listens and he answers with his feelings about his dad and his unresolved guilt. He does so not because he wants to match Matthew’s confession but because it feels right, to be this open to Matthew._

_They fall asleep in each other’s arms. Leon has the best night he ever had since their fight._

  
  
  
  
  


Bettman lets them get back on their jaeger and their first mission is a really nice, pretty smooth victory that they decide to celebrate on their HQ. “I almost wanted to invite the others but I’ve decided to be selfish and keep you for myself,” Matthew whispers in his ear pressed against his side as they make their way to their beloved HQ. Leon chuckles and turns his head as he walks to share a smile with his partner. There’s warmth in his stomach and he refrain himself from saying that Matthew was the one Leon would have had to share, not the other way around.

Matthew was a social butterfly, Leon had learned pretty early on. Most people would probably want to give that title to Mitch, and truth be he wasn’t in rest, but Matthew was incredible when you paid close attention to him, able to mingle in any crowd. Leon had shared this thought with Matthew one night and the other had shrugged, answering that it was what it took to fit in a world where he didn’t really get to have childhood friends and where 90% of people wanted to connect him to his father before considering him as his own person. 

Leon used to find that trait annoying as it was adding to that insufferable unable to stop talking moron image he’d built of Matthew in the beginning. Now, he gets it and he’s actually glad he as an actual support system to surround him at any time. 

Overall, Leon likes Matthew’s friends (which he’s also more and more considering his) but tonight, he wants this to be for the two of them. So they take turns drinking from their bottle of the day and Leon lets Matthew’s head rest on his thigh when he feels tired. Leon’s hand go to his curls, playing with them.

(Matthew swears it doesn’t make him purr, he’s a liar.)

They manage to both fall asleep on the spot and Leon’s back aches a whole lot the next day for after replaying the memories from the previous night, he decides that it was worth it.

  
  
  
  
  


_“You’re still a big fucking idiot, I hope you know that,” Leon tells him the next morning, his voice gruff but unable to keep the fondness at bay._

_“Yeah,” Matthew nods, thoughtful for a second before a grin comes up to split his face in too. “But I’m_ your _big idiot.”_

_Leon smiles, his mouth betraying him, the occurrence pretty heavy lately. The other day, Connor said that after their big fight, they had successfully made their way back to the honeymoon phase and it’s fucking gross. And Leon wanted to open his mouth to agree to that last part because eh, he was not a fucking teenager anymore, but Connor had cut him off to add that it was cute and that he was happy for them. Leon had kept his mouth shut, fighting to keep his growing blush in control._

  
  
  
  
  


The frequency of the attacks keeps on steadily rising and they start having to face class four kaijus. The monsters are bigger and stronger but so are Leon and Matthew, the added training and renewed trust in each other improving their overall piloting.

New solutions are being considered. Sometimes they catch Zach out of meeting looking exhausted but hopeful. He can’t say much too them and Matthew’s father won’t let any information slip but it doesn’t matter. Leon, Matthew, Mitch, Dylan, Connor… They all have faith. They still believe they can win. 

They swear it to each other every night.

Say it out loud before every mission.

They _will_ win.

  
  
  
  
  


_It’s not easy everyday. Both of them still have nightmares from time to time. When one of their plan to stop the whole thing fail, Matthew gets super frustrated and it’s not pretty to watch. They still fight because they’re both hot heads who have to deal with pressure and a patience which can run thin when they haven’t been getting a lot of sleep or got to be irritated by a bad mission. Leon is in a foul mood if he spends too much time visiting the hospital. Matthew can barely be talked to after he’s had a meeting with his father._

_At least now, they know how to act around each other when it happens._

  
  
  
  
  


They get the same tattoo, Matthew on his left shoulder and Leon on his right.

_Ursa Major_

_19.04.2020_

And the only thing they want is to add another date below the one of their first mission together.

  
  
  
  
  


“I think you should go find him. If you can’t find him in the usual spots, try the balcony you can access on the fifth floor of the East Wing, behind the scientists quarters,” Mitch answers when Leon ask the group if anyone has seen Matthew. He knows how to give him his space but he also learned how to recognize worry and concern in Mitch’s eyes. 

He follows the other pilot’s directions after lunch and finds Matthew tucked in an hidden place. Leon’s quiet when he opens and closes the glass window before joining Matthew, hands on the railing.

They stay in silence for a while, Matthew with his eyes fixed on the sea and Leon sneaking glances in his direction from time to time.

When he feels Matthew lean into him, their shoulders pressed together, Leon decides to not overthink and he takes a step back and on the side, his chest to Matthew’s back while he brings his arms around Matthew’s middle, chin resting on the other man’s shoulder.

Leon turns his head to press a kiss against Matthew’s cheek and he tastes salty skin. From his position, his whole body is able to feel the deep exhausted sigh that leaves Matthew’s form. Leon tightens his grip and Matthew leans further into him.

“You know, it’s funny because my whole life people have made fun of me because I couldn’t remember any date to save my life. I barely knew Taryn and Brady’s birthdays.”

Matthew’s voice is rough, his throat too tight to let sharp words out.

“Well, jokes on everyone,” he continues. Leon digs his chin further towards Matthew’s neck, aiming for grounding. “Because it’s been a year today and it might as well be printed on my brain because that’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about all day.”

Leon’s heart squeezes hard and so his arms around Matthew. He didn’t know the exact date but there’s no mystery to figure out what Matthew’s talking about.

It had taken a while for Leon to process that Matthew had agreed to get back on a jaeger merely six months after the accident that had coasted his brother’s life. First Leon had to deal with his own _this kid is stupid (and I’m jealous but I won’t acknowledged that because I’m not even really aware)_ mentality. Then things had evolved and Matthew turned more _brave and totally fucked up at the same time (just like me)_. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs against Matthew’s skin.

A couple of tears roll out under Matthew’s eyes and Leon lifts one hand to caress them away in the gentlest way he knows. Matthew stays quiet and Leon lets him be, not pressuring him.

Leon, he needs to be asked if he wants to talk about things before you can get any information from him. Matthew, Leon has learned that he will untie his tongue on his own if he is feeling comfortable and in a mood to do so. 

“Don’t you think that it’s fucked up ? That we both had to lose someone we loved to meet each other ?”

A few months ago, Leon would have probably bolted at the question. Today, he does stiffen a little before forcing himself to relax.

“What’s fucked up is the fact a giant breach exists in the Pacific ocean with the sole purpose of spewing out monsters once in awhile. Fuck that thing.”

Leon catches a small smile on Matthew’s face. It’s mostly sad but he will still takes it.

“I— I would have loved for you to meet my dad. I know he would have loved you and he probably would have given me a lot of shit for how I treated you in the beginning,” Leon admits with a grimace.

It earns him a chuckle from Matthew. “You weren’t that bad. Brady would have probably adored you for the sole fact that you were standing up to me and refusing my advances.” 

Leon laughs against Matthew’s shirt and he has to lightly bite then kiss the patch of skin where his shoulder meets his neck.

The thing was, given how the war was progressing, they probably would have ended up in Hong Kong anyway. Maybe Leon would still be his ex fiancé. Maybe he would have never gotten to really learn who Matthew Tkachuk was if they hadn’t been partnered up. They could redo the World with _maybes_ but Leon had already lost too many years of his life doing just that. 

“I’m glad I’ve got you.”

Leon finally raises his head and he’s met with Matthew’s face, impossibly close but with lines softened. He doesn’t have much time to study him because after a couple of seconds, Matthew nuzzles against Leon’s cheek and correctly arrange them to seal their lips together.

If Matthew ends up pressing Leon against the railing and kissing him hard enough to bruise, Leon can handle it.

  
  
  
  
  


_Leon couldn’t say how long they stay out but at some point it gets pitch dark and the wind is so biting, even Matthew has to admit he can’t keep shivering forever. He slots his fingers in the space between Leon’s and doesn’t let go of his hand until they’ve made their way to their room._

_The warm water of the shower they share at their arrival feels like being wrapped in soft cotton, so do the feverish kisses Matthew presses against his skin; along the lines of his collarbones, up the length of his throat, all over his face._

_The exhaustion of his day must catch up on Matthew because he’s pliant in Leon’s arms when they get out of the bathroom to go lie in bed. He’s quick to use Leon as a pillow, one arm thrown around his middle. His breathing goes quiet so easily, Leon thinks for a second that he’s already dreaming when he hears Matthew’s voice._

_“I’m glad I’ve got you too.”_

_He_ does _feel Matthew’s smile against his chest loud and clear._

_“I mean, you’re still a pretentious asshole who’s insufferable without his dose of coffee and—” He’s cut by Leon’s hand smothering his cheek and nose._

_“Shut up,_ Matthew _.”_

_Leon moves his fingers up to let them rest between Matthew’s curls. They both have a soundless and nightmare free night. The cramp he gets in his shoulder the next morning is definitely worth it._

**Author's Note:**

> me : decide to write a matthew/leon story despite the fact that i barely know the oilers and the flames  
> the story : ends up having more leafs players than oilers and flames combined
> 
> \- 88% of the reasons why Leon calls Matthew a kid is the fact that I personally can't believe he's only 25.  
> \- There are very few trios piloting jaegers and Mitch/Connor/Dylan is the only canadian one, a fact they’re very proud of.  
> \- Alex (Debrincat) is a mechanic, it took weeks for Dylan to finally ask him out.  
> \- Jonny and Patrick went through training together and they took the enemies to lovers road (first kiss and first time was absolutely after a mission that almost went wrong, the two of them both going frantic after entering their room). They’re the duo who have the most kills on the planet.  
> \- Freddie was an academy instructor and Auston was his student (he was 19 when he got selected for the pilots program) when they hit it off. Then they found out that they had incredible compatibility and higher command gave them a jaeger.  
> \- Zach (Hyman) is a scientist who studies kaiju biology.  
> \- Matthew’s parents divorced when Matthew was 12. He decided to stay with his father, Brady did too (and Matthew has always suspected that Brady stayed to be with his big brother which didn’t help with the whole feeling guilty about his death thing). Taryn went with their mom. Matthew still talk to them on the phone but he hasn’t seen them in years.  
> \- After writing it, I realized I’d put the date of their tattoo the dd/mm/yy format and then I remembered that Matthew was american. Leon is german and there’s not 19th month anyway, so.
> 
> (I kind of want to write more of this universe but I'm not sure what exactly yet, so we'll see.)


End file.
